The Best Halloween Costumes for Grownups

Halloween is a magical time of year when children are allowed to wear polyester jumpsuits derived from petroleum, free base sugary candy, and stay up late harassing neighbors for treats. But let’s be honest, although we indulge our children in this strangest of holidays, Halloween is for grownups.  After you’ve ordered the overpriced polyester onesies for your children, and thrown a few spooky decorations around (the existing cob webs and dust in my home suffice), it’s time to contemplate your own Halloween costume.Here are some easy, inexpensive, and fun ideas, that will help you make the most of Halloween. If you are like me, you can simply dust off the “Costume Box” and cobble together the perfect kit.

My rule of thumb; capture the moment in pop culture. Flamboyant or scandalous pop stars, Hollywood train wrecks, athletes, designers, and politicos are great fodder. Memorable movie or TV characters from within the calendar year are also fun.

For Women:

  1. An uncanny resemblance

    An uncanny resemblance

    V. Stiviano and DonaldV. Stiviano: This is remarkably easy. Grab the long black wig from your costume box, get a giant sun visor, and wear something inappropriate. I found a plastic mask that made me a virtual doppelgänger of this class act. If your husband has an ape mask, he can throw it on and be Donald Sterling.

  2. Amanda Bynes: Because she likes to sport wigs and large sunglasses, Amanda at her bestthis is a particularly easy costume.  I recommend either the blue or disheveled platinum blonde wigs.  Just about any clothes you throw on will do, she doesn’t seem to be particularly discerning. Props include an iPhone for incriminating selfies, and a Super Big Gulp sized Starbucks cup.
  3. Mariah Carey:This will require some prosthetic body parts. Wear the shortest skirt you can find with the lowest neckline possible. Talk with a Jersey accent and act confused.

Men:

  1. Lance Armstrong: Biker gear and syringes pretty much make this one work. The plastic syringes you get at the drugstore to administer oral medication to kids work like a charm. Just scotch tape them to the inside of your elbow. This can easily be turned into a couples costume. Your partner can wear scrubs and carry vials of liquids and pills.

    Bruce Jenner Halloween Costume

    Bruce Jenner Halloween Costume

  2. Bruce Jenner: I found this clear plastic mask and I just couldn’t resist. It turns any face into a dead ringer of Bruce. If you can muster a tiny ponytail, this will be a nice touch. This costume works well for men or women.
  3. Charlie Sheen: His constant kerfuffles on Twitter keep him relevant. This is an easy one for those who want to participate, but can’t see themselves going all out; dark wig, weird sunglasses, imbibe copious amounts of alcohol, have your wife or girlfriend dress as a call-girl. It’s that simple.

 

© 2017 Napadaisical
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