Fashion

I took unpaid leave from my unpaid, less-than-part-time blogging job, so I could make the most of summer. And what a summer! Bright cerulean blue skies, mid-to-upper eighty degree temperatures, day after day. This was a summer for the record books; and when the sun shines in Seattle, it calls for celebrating. A lot of celebrating. Day into evening, evening into early morning, hit repeat, revelry.

Hottest Accessory of the Season

Hottest Accessory of the Season

Here I am pictured in my summer uniform; a perfect poolside or beach hopping ensemble. “What was my accessory of the season,” you ask? Not the wide brimmed hat, obliterating peripheral vision while keeping me pasty white. No, not even the flowing caftan, purchased at H&M, that made me feel oh so Talitha Getty, lounging in Marrakesh. The true summer accessory of the season was my magically magnificent soft-sided rolling cooler. The versatility of this accessory cannot be overstated.  It holds six bottles of wine, champagne, or pitchers of margaritas; whatever the occasion and mood require. The gun metal grey hue compliments any outfit. And the wheels! They move things along with ease. In fact, this accessory is so versatile, it’s going to roll right on into fall with me.

Mila Spring Soccer Sched 14 027I indulged my Star Wars obsessed son with Darth Vader shoes at the Nordstrom Anniversary sale this past summer. They not only light up when he walks, but feature the signature Darth Vader asthmatic breathing.

I recently bought a pair of blingified “Birkenstock” style sandals (is that a non sequitur?). I was so thrilled about this purchase. So “on-trend” at a reasonable price! They will address many a fashion need for spring and summer.

Mila Spring Soccer Sched 14 023But to my dismay, there’s a Dark Side to these slides. They too come with sound effects. They make a relentless squeaking noise with every step, even when I tip toe, walk really, really, slowly, or shuffle and drag my feet. It sounds like I went crazy at Taco Time and ate the bean burrito combo meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I find myself blushing, and explaining to perfect strangers that it’s my shoes making that strange sound. I’m not sure if anyone really believes me. I’ve been getting a lot of strange sideways glances.

The problem is that I love these shoes, and I’m trying really hard to rationalize them. Certainly I’ve made sacrifices for fashion before, usually withstanding excruciating pain for the perfect pair of Givenchy or Prada heels. Standing in H & M today, it came to me in a flurry of inspiration. I felt I had stepped into a time machine that transported me back to college. Fashion was spinning around me like a jumbled and incoherent rehash of the past. It has all been done before, while I am embarking on the last bastion of unexplored territory in the fashion world; sound effects. I’m not only setting, I’m inventing the trend, one awkward squeak at a time. I just wish my shoes sounded like birds chirping instead of intestinal gurgling…

When spring slowly emerges from interminably dark, damp, winter days, it means two things; allergies and fashion. So I load up on Nasonex, Zyrtec®, and Prednisone, and obsessively peruse my favorite fashion apps and sites; chic feed, The Sartorialist, The Man Repeller, WWD. After hours of “research”, I’m ready to unleash my “Parisian It Girl”, street-chic-style. Drum roll please…

fashion accessory1) The accessory of the season is a door mat. I’m not kidding. If you don’t mickey mousebelieve me, please look at this photo. It probably helps if it’s Chanel, but I’m thinking the old-school plastic grass with daisies will do. I’m curious if it’s de rigueur to drop the mat, and wipe your feet before entering the fashion show?

2) Join the Mickey Mouse club.  Am I so fashion backward that I’m thinking this Mickey Mouse look is a little Goofy?

3) The frustration pencil headdress. The similarities here are uncanny. green stress head collageI would find it impossible to resist the temptation to shake this renowned fashionista violently to and fro, for maximum fluffy-head effect.

I’m also completely inspired, and gearing up for fall. This is what we can anticipate for 2014 fashions, when the leaves turn autumnal amber and crimson. blanket

1) Linus is looking for his blanket. I admit, the over-sized sweater and sweater-pants look awfully cozy, but what happens when a rain storm hits? This blanket is going to weigh about 200 lbs.; soaking up water like a sponge. This poor model only weighs 95 lbs. grizzly cub2

2)  Call the veterinarian! This grizzly bear is crowning; and giving birth to a runway model cub. Oh dear, did I just go too far?

3)  An unsung hero of Warner Brother’s Looney Tuneselle-10-fall-2014-trends-western-h-lgn has his day in the sun. Forget lining up to meet Sarah Jessica Parker at your favorite department store, this year it’s all about Yosemite Sam.

forehead curtains 4I recently cut bangs.  They really do hide a multitude of sins.  I couldn’t help feeling I was lowering curtains or blinds on my forehead, hence, a new phrase was coined. It’s like that old commercial for Mazola. “You call it corn, I call it maize.”  You call them bangs, I call them “Forehead Curtains”.  Perhaps it doesn’t have the same ring to it.

The new challenge; how to hide the sagging cheeks (AKA: jowls). Forehead curtains are fun and stylish.  Somehow I don’t think the “Cousin It” look is going to make a comeback any time soon, even to cover unsightly jowls. cousin it 2

I have noticed the best way to lift the 40+ year-old jowls non surgically is to smile.  And studies show if you smile, you actually will feel happier and have an overall sense of well-being.  Are you gagging right now? No, nobody died and made me Polly Anna, I’m just trying to look younger.

1960's vintage black pumps

I admit, I had no idea what “DIY” meant.  I had to ask a friend.  My friend laughed at me and said, “of course you don’t know what ‘do it yourself’ means”.  She may be right, but when it comes to fashion, I’m a Molly Ringwald from Pretty In Pink at heart.  Way back in my high school days, before Seattle’s beloved Macklemore made it cool, I was scouring thrift stores.  My favorite haunt, while growing up in Portland, was the Red, White and Blue Thrift Store.  My sister and I would sift through endless racks of foul-smelling clothing for the perfect long black coat, a Hamburg hat, or a pair of black pointy stilettos that would complete our preppy/punk/new wave image we tried desperately to cultivate.

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I would never buy it, but I have been the lucky recipient of fabulous furs from my mother-in-law. I wear it with pride and have been surprised by the warm reception fur receives in the progressive town of Seattle. Just in case someone wants to throw Heinz Ketchup on me, I always carry a bag of hemoglobin, so I can fire back.  The only fur I’ve actually purchased was at a yard sale on Capitol Hill.  This crazy white rabbit fur caught my eye amongst the racks of dirty bathrobes and house coats.  I made my boyfriend (now husband) stop so I could throw down $2 on a white rabbit fur coat, complete with Michael Jackson shoulder wings.  I’m horribly allergic to it, so I load up on Benadryl when I bust it out.  What a statement that bunny makes!

© 2017 Napadaisical
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