I admit, I had no idea what “DIY” meant. I had to ask a friend. My friend laughed at me and said, “of course you don’t know what ‘do it yourself’ means”. She may be right, but when it comes to fashion, I’m a Molly Ringwald from Pretty In Pink at heart. Way back in my high school days, before Seattle’s beloved Macklemore made it cool, I was scouring thrift stores. My favorite haunt, while growing up in Portland, was the Red, White and Blue Thrift Store. My sister and I would sift through endless racks of foul-smelling clothing for the perfect long black coat, a Hamburg hat, or a pair of black pointy stilettos that would complete our preppy/punk/new wave image we tried desperately to cultivate.
As part of the austerity measures taken in our household during the “great recession”, I have been doing my own nails. I like to do this right before dinner so that I can explain to my husband that I can’t prepare dinner because my nails are drying. I assure him that by doing so I am saving him $40-$80 a week. (He has no idea about the “Me So Pwetty” nail joint up the street that charges $25 for a mani/ped.) That’s why it’s important to keep your husband ignorant on such matters.
I can’t really say my nails look all that great with my new “DIY” nail program, you might even call them deplorable. I find it very difficult to stay in the lines when painting my nails. I’m considering testing the effects of permanent marker on my fingernails. I’ve noticed recently Sharpies have started to come in fashion colors.
I can always steal a trick from Madonna’s playbook and start sporting Chanel gloves. I wonder if she does this because she too decided on “DIY” nails? My suspicion is that the ”gloves no longer match the helmet”, meaning her puffed up, stretched out face no longer matches the 50+ looking hands. Which leads me to another question: are surgeons not yet doing hand -lifts? The hands are always the tell-tale sign of a 50+ woman addicted to face intervention techniques.
I hope Madonna, isn’t feeling too maligned. I’m quite certain I’m not the first to muse on the “gloved ones” reasons. I’m assuming because of her Kabbalistic, self-actualized spirituality, nothing can really hurt her. We all know that Madonna’s body is just a beautiful vessel for her perfected soul. It’s possible she has already transmogrified into a deity. Maybe the Dalai Lama selection committee should look no further than Madge next time. I sure hope the Dalai Lama is reading this…