I indulged my Star Wars obsessed son with Darth Vader shoes at the Nordstrom Anniversary sale this past summer. They not only light up when he walks, but feature the signature Darth Vader asthmatic breathing.
I recently bought a pair of blingified “Birkenstock” style sandals (is that a non sequitur?). I was so thrilled about this purchase. So “on-trend” at a reasonable price! They will address many a fashion need for spring and summer.
But to my dismay, there’s a Dark Side to these slides. They too come with sound effects. They make a relentless squeaking noise with every step, even when I tip toe, walk really, really, slowly, or shuffle and drag my feet. It sounds like I went crazy at Taco Time and ate the bean burrito combo meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I find myself blushing, and explaining to perfect strangers that it’s my shoes making that strange sound. I’m not sure if anyone really believes me. I’ve been getting a lot of strange sideways glances.
The problem is that I love these shoes, and I’m trying really hard to rationalize them. Certainly I’ve made sacrifices for fashion before, usually withstanding excruciating pain for the perfect pair of Givenchy or Prada heels. Standing in H & M today, it came to me in a flurry of inspiration. I felt I had stepped into a time machine that transported me back to college. Fashion was spinning around me like a jumbled and incoherent rehash of the past. It has all been done before, while I am embarking on the last bastion of unexplored territory in the fashion world; sound effects. I’m not only setting, I’m inventing the trend, one awkward squeak at a time. I just wish my shoes sounded like birds chirping instead of intestinal gurgling…