I tried so hard to clean up my truck driver mouth once I had kids. The problem is that kids make swearing not only a necessity, but an imperative… Each morning, I resolve not to swear. I state my intention out loud. I drop a fork, or spill some milk, and I say “oh crumb cakes” or “Cocoa Puffs”. Then we start our commute to school, and I’m suddenly possessed. I can’t really help the fact that the streets of Seattle are congested, there are so many bad drivers, and extremely aggressive pedestrians and bikers. Next thing I know, I’m dropping F-bombs right and left. That is why I’ve invented the amazing “Bleeper Plus” app. Please take a moment to fill out the NDA before reading further. You see, I fancy myself as some type of genius inventor; I’ve just never gotten past the idea phase. Here’s how the bleeper+ will work. The user selects from an array of happy voices, like Mother Theresa or the Fairy God Mother. My favorite is the Yoda voice downloadable. When I yell, you “douchey-mother-shit-bag”. The bleeper says, “Do or Do not…there is no try.” My other favorite is “The Hail Mary” prayer recited by Stewie Griffin any time I say a simple “God Damnit”.